Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
