I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
