it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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