i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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