Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
did you just send me my own nude
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
