I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize
