You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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