u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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