oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
