i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
