Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
