I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
