Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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