The maid of honor just puked.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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