Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
