oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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