If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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