Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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