Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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