he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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