I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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