roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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