I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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