I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
