u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
