apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
