stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
