think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
