get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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