Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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