Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
