can u get pink eye on your cock?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
