so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
