I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
