I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
