i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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