Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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