Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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