I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
