i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
