marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
