I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
