I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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