the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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