I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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