but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
