I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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