You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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