I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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