matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
