Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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