ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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