dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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