I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
