Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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