never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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