I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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