I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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