I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
COCAINE IS GR8
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
