woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize