why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
