i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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