Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
