I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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