My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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