he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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