hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
