are you still at the devil's house?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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