Your dad touched me again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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